Witnessing to Family and Friends

So you know that we must use the law of God to bring about the knowledge of sin in our witnessing encounters, but what about with Grandma? I really don't want to ask her if she has ever lusted after someone! Cant say I blame you. So how do we witness to family members or close friends but still remain biblical in our approach and not offensive to someone very close to us? That is a great question I have been asked before and deserves some discussion.

If you have been sharing your faith with others for any length of time, you may already know that it is much easier to share with a complete stranger than with a family member. We need to share the gospel with our family and friends, but we must go about it the right way so that we do not jeopardize our relationship with them and at the same time we do not water down the message. Granted the person may still get offended and that's a risk we must take if we truly care about the state of their soul and where they will spend eternity. The old saying "the truth hurts" definitely applies here.

Tony Miano gives some great advice gathered from his years of experience as a seasoned evangelist in this article "How to Witness to Friends and Family" located on CARM's website. In the article he begins by giving us the most common reasons why Christians have a difficult time sharing their faith with those closest to them.

1. People closest to most Christians (friends and family) are the people who know them the best and know who they are when the rest of the world is not looking. So, many Christians refrain from spiritual conversation with their unbelieving friends and family members because they fear being labeled as a hypocrite.
2. People closest to most Christians (friends and family) are the people who are mostly likely comfortable to give the Christian a sharp retort or an angry response. There is more fear of causing an offense between friends than between mere acquaintances.
3. Christians are fearful of the ongoing repercussions they may face as a result of sharing the gospel with the people closest to them (friends and family). That is to say, unlike with a stranger who the Christian may see only once in his lifetime, a friend or family member will be seen regularly, if not daily. If a gospel conversation goes bad, the tension created in the ongoing relationship could become very uncomfortable.
4. Christians are fearful of doing anything to jeopardize the friendship or relationship they worked so hard to cultivate. Sadly, this mindset brings to light an inescapable truth. Many who believe they are engaged in “friendship evangelism” care about their friendships and relationships more than they care for the eternal soul of their friend or family members.

Keys to Witnessing to Family and Friends

1. The same way we witness to strangers, start in the natural realm then swing to the spiritual. Usually when talking to friends or family we are talking about all sorts of things, from the basketball game (especially if your a Kentucky fan), to what your kids have been up to lately or whats happening in the news. From there you can easily swing to the spiritual.
"Did you see that news story where those teenagers died in that car crash?"
"Yes I did, that is just awful."
"I know, really makes you realize there is no promise of tomorrow, doesn't it?"
And then your in. From there you can get their take on the afterlife and what they believe happens.

2. As Miano notes, remember to whom you are speaking to. We do not want to sound scripted or robotic.

"When sharing the gospel with a friend or family member, it is important to remember that the person in front of you is not a stranger. Therefore, do not talk to him like one. If you are going to ask question of the person--questions regarding his violation of God’s law--do so in such a way as not to come across, in his mind, as a cold interrogator. In other words, do not leave your friend or family member feeling like you don’t know him, when in fact you know him well. Carry on the conversation with the same tone, comfort, and ease as you would in any other conversation with that person. Granted, the subject matter couldn’t be more serious--the eternal state of the soul; but engage your friend and family member in such a way as would be consistent with any other friendly, normal conversation you might have with him."

3. Be honest and forthcoming. Do not make the loved one feel as if they have been ambushed. Be honest with them. If God has placed a burden on your heart about the state of their soul, then tell them so. Tell them upfront that you have been thinking and praying about them and you would like to discuss some spiritual things with them.

4. Do not water down the message. This is an extremely important point. As faithful witness's of Christ we do not want to change the content of the Gospel. We change the approach, but not the content.

"Your evangelistic conversations with friends and family members should include sin and its eternal consequences (judgment, wrath, Hell), the deity of Christ, His humanity and sinlessness, the cross, Christ’s propitiation, justification by faith, the resurrection, repentance, and faith. Whatever you would say to strangers regarding their need to repent and believe the gospel, you should say to your friends and family members." states Miano.

5. Use a testimonial approach. This is by and far the best approach to witnessing to family or close friends in my honest opinion (IMHO for you kids out there). Tony explains this very well in the article.

"I have found that the best way to present the law and the gospel to older members of the family is by using a testimonial approach as opposed to and interrogative approach. In other words, instead of placing grandma on the spot by asking her questions about herself, I would share my story with grandma. This means I would communicate the law and the gospel to grandma, in the first-person."

"Instead of asking grandma if she ever told a lie, or stolen anything, or looked with lust (oh, yeah. That would go over well); I would explain to grandma how I came to a knowledge of my sin--how I learned what sin was and how that made me an enemy of God. Instead of telling grandma she would spend eternity in Hell, I would explain to her how I came to the realization that the just punishment for my sins against God is eternity in Hell. And then I would continue this first-person discourse through the presentation of the gospel."
"I would conclude my testimony with how I answered God’s call on my heart to repent and believe the gospel; and how God saved me by the grace of God alone, through faith alone, in Jesus Christ alone."

6. Recognize the potential that you may lose the relationship when you share the Gospel with a friend or family member.  I feel that if you are gentle and respectful and take the tips mentioned in this post that 99% of people close to you will not be offended. My personal experience is that they are actually appreciative that you care for them on such a great level and would take the time to talk with them about spiritual matters. However, we all know that one friend or that one family member that is going to be offended no matter how gentle or compassionate. Your thinking about them right now, aren't you? 
So do we avoid sharing with them? Not at all. As Tony so plainly puts it.....

"To refuse to share the gospel with a friend or family member because you are afraid it might cost you the relationship is to love yourself more than your friend or family member. In so doing, you are putting your friend or family member’s relationship with you as of greater importance than your friend or family member’s relationship with Jesus Christ. Could there be a more blasphemous sin other than unbelief itself? The question was rhetorical. The answer is obvious."

If we truly care about the person we must speak the truth in love. If we as Christians truly believe what scripture says will happen to those who die in their sins, then why are you not sharing the gospel with them? The Gospel is the power of God unto salvation (Romans 1:16). You cant save that person and its not your job to. However,it is our responsibility to obey Christs command to preach and share the gospel. Planting seeds, that's all we must do. God will do the rest.  When you do talk with them, if they can not see the tears in your eyes, then let them hear them in your voice. Don't wait another day, because there might not be one.

Grace, love, and peace
Steven